Foreskins Shmorskins – Part 1 – the “Holy” Prepuce


There are so many problems and biblical inaccuracies with trying to make Jesus a physical person, especially since many scholars now believe he is a myth that the church attempted to make real and historical for their own personal gain.

Moses, Abraham & Isiah, etc. were once believed to be real people until scholarly peer-reviewed research came out in the 1970s that said otherwise. This was railed against by the fundamental, “scholarly” establishment initially, but after about ten years, it became the majority consensus among credible scholars. Some additional information is provided below as it pertains to Moses:

In the early days of biblical archaeology, there was a lot of optimism that the new science could verify the existence of Moses by proving that there was indeed a great migration of people from Egypt who eventually conquered and settled Canaan. This premature optimism was dashed by the stark reality of subsequent excavations.

In The Bible Unearthed , Israeli archaeologists Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman dispelled any illusions that their digs had verified the story of the Exodus: “The process that we describe here is, in fact, the opposite of what we have in the Bible: the emergence of early Israel was an outcome of the collapse of the Canaanite culture, not its cause. And most of the Israelites did not come from outside Canaan – they emerged from within it. There was no mass Exodus from Egypt. There was no violent conquest of Canaan. Most of the people who formed early Israel were local people – the same people whom we see in the highlands throughout the Bronze and Iron Ages. The early Israelites were – irony of ironies – themselves originally Canaanites!” [1] (Finkelstein & Silberman The Bible Unearthed, 118)

We are talking about Jesus here, not Moses. But if Moses is considered to be a myth, what problems arise for a historical Jesus? The problems with a that are laid out in detail in scholar Richard Carrier’s book “On The Historicity Of Jesus,” which is by far the most thoroughly researched information to date on the topic. A dense read, but well worth the investment if you are indeed searching for the truth of how it all came to be.

If you believe that Jesus walked the planet, then you would, of course, believe that he was Jewish, and by extension, he would be circumcised after he was born, just like every other Jewish boy. Hence this entertaining article that should make you think twice before believing in someone’s “holy” foreskin.

Jesus’ foreskin was so prized that as many as 18 existed at once. Did Jesus have 18 penises? No, of course not. People were overly infatuated with his divine manhood, so much so that they would say that they had the only, true, real, only-one-in-existence, magical, penile tip in the whole entire world.

Could you imagine the media circus if that happened today? You wouldn’t be able to turn on the TV without someone talking about penises and foreskins. Inappropriate penis memes would be rampant, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria! (pardon me for that Ghostbusters’ quote)


Moving on…

One unique take on Jesus’ foreskin comes from Greek Scholar Leo Allatius:

Leo Allatius (Greek: Λέων Αλλάτιος, Leon Allatios, Λιωνής Αλάτζης, Lionis Allatzis; Italian: Leone Allacci, Allacio; Latin: Leo Allatius, Allacius; c. 1586 – January 19, 1669) was a Greek[1] scholar, theologian, and keeper of the Vatican library.

Outside scholarly circles Allatius is perhaps best known today for his De Praeputio Domini Nostri Jesu Christi Diatriba (Discourse on the Foreskin of Our Lord Jesus Christ), a minor essay mentioned in Fabricius‘s Bibliotheca Graeca (xiv. 17) as an unpublished work.[14]According to an unconfirmed nineteenth-century source,[15][16] its thesis—which to many modern readers appears unintentionally humorous—is that the rings of Saturn (then-recently observed by telescope) are the prepuce of Jesus.


Are you freaking kidding me?! A Greek scholar, no less. Religion can brainwash even the seemingly brightest of people.

In an earlier time, Catholics celebrated on January 1st the Feast of the Circumcision of Christ. It appears to have lost its popularity over time and was quietly removed from most cultures. I guess people can only handle so much “born again” stuff at one time.

In time past, Jesus’ rotten penis flesh jumped from owner to owner. Sometimes it was even stolen by greedy, power-hungry people because this magical penis flesh did to humans what the One Ring does to Hobbits. Currently, its whereabouts are unknown, or if it still exists at all. I’m sure the church wishes for it to just go away at this point because it is quite silly when you think about it.

But if it had survived, it would not have taken long before some washed-in-the-blood holy roller wanted to clone it. And boy, that would give the Second Coming of Jesus a troubling new definition.

In Part 2 of this series, we will look in the Old Testament at King David’s troubling obsession with foreskins. Brace yourselves!

If you’re looking for something to have on hand to quickly look at every argument for and against a historical Jesus, I recommend Chrestus, an IOS/Android app that has everything you need to answer your questions, and then some. Dr. Richard Carrier assisted in its development and implementation. As new information becomes available, it is updated accordingly. Well worth the price of the app, in my opinion.

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